The living funeral challenges traditional notions of grief rituals by honoring the person and offering a meaningful way to say goodbye prior to death.
Below, 79-year old Grace Stephens embraces her son, Dean Roberts, at her celebration of life party.
Frequently Asked Questions: Living Funerals
WHAT is a living funeral?
The underlying purpose of the living funeral is to create an experience for the person being honored, a lasting memory for the guests, and an opportunity to express love and communicate the influence bestowed upon one another during life.
Much like life, the living funeral is a deeply personal experience. There are many interpretations, with some being casual, others formal, some small, others large, some joyful, and others more somber and reflective.
WHO is a living funeral for?
Typically, in North American culture, living funerals are for individuals who have been given the diagnosis of a life-threatening illness. However, living funerals are also designed by and for people without illness, but whom recognize the unpredictability and inevitability of mortality.
Essentially, a living funeral is for the living.
WHY do people choose to have a living funeral?
The most common reason for a living funeral is for loved ones to gather together, honor, and reflect upon a person's life with the recognition that the person's time is limited. It is a meaningful way to say goodbye.
"When a colleague died suddenly of a heart attack, Morrie went to his funeral. He came home depressed. "What a waste," he said. "All those people saying all those wonderful things, and [he] never got to hear any of it."
- from the book, Tuesdays with Morrie, by Mitch Albom
HOW long have living funerals been around?
Many people have not heard of living funerals as they are only recently beginning to emerge. In the United States, the evolution of America's Right to Die Movement has influenced the rising trend of the living funeral. In Japan, a change in the way that old age is perceived has prompted the use of living funerals.
The Living Funeral in the United States
How the debate over the right to die led to the unfolding of the living funeral
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The Beginning: Debate concerning the choice for merciful death at end-of-life begins
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Awareness of the death experience is initiated
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Concept of "Rite of Farewell" during terminal illness is discussed
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| Discussion expanding the concept of patient rights is promoted |
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Conversation concerning individual autonomy and personal values evolves
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Debrief on the Living Funeral in the United States
Holly Little Van Straaten, SW 636: Death & Grief
(5 minutes)
Personal Stories
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MEET GRACE
Grace Stephen's "Royal Party"
❤
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MEET LISA
Lisa Tremont's "Goodbye Bash"
❤
(3.5 minutes)
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MEET BETSY
Betsy Davis' "Last Work of Art"
❤
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MEET JIL
Jil Finnegan's "Last Day"
❤
(10.5 minutes)
The Living Funeral
JAPAN
Overview of Seizensō (生前葬), the Living Funeral in Japan
Holly Little Van Straaten, SW 636: Death & Grief
(6 minutes)
IMPACT
"Dying persons are our teachers since by accepting the limited time left in their lives, they can focus on what is truly important and meaningful." – K. Doka
Miriam Swaka teaches us how to say "I love you" at her living funeral.
(3.50 minutes)
What impact does the Living Funeral have on the grief process for families and loved ones?
Some people are granted the time to involve those they love in their dying process. However, when families learn about a loved one's life-threatening illness, they often struggle with how to talk about it. Some reasons for this include:
Fear of saying the wrong thing
Fear of own mortality
Guilt/shame about what has happened in the past
Denial regarding the possibility of death
What to remember and how to respond to the Living Funeral?
Be respectful. It is not unusual for people who experience life-threatening illness to speak of the illness as a turning point in their lives. They may feel that because of their illness they have reconstructed their priorities, and may wish to enrich the quality of their remaining time. A living funeral may symbolize this for the person. It is important to be respectful of the end-of-life decisions a person makes even if you do not understand or agree.
Listen well. While the initiation of a Living Funeral demonstrates open awareness of the life-threatening illness, it does not mean the person is not also experiencing complicated responses, such as fear, anger, sadness, and/or hope. Be prepared to listen to the person as they express their array of feelings even if the feelings seem to change frequently or contradict. Listening is powerful.
Allow tears and laughter. Honest responses are a valuable part of the open awareness experience with a person who has a life-threatening illness. Grief is an emotion, and it is okay to cry, laugh, or both at the same time.
Listen well to Morrie Schwartz (Tuesdays with Morrie) as he shares his perspective on dying.
(1.06 minutes)
Covid-19 Impact on Living Funerals
Holly Little Van Straaten, SW 636: Death & Grief
(3.15 minutes)
Thank you for taking the time to learn about this topic.
Holly
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